Ask 6 Cats: Kitties Answer Cats’ Questions

Ask Six Cats

by Bob Tarte’s kitties


Kitty comrades, are you having problems dealing with those people who think they own the place? Don’t ask just one fellow cat for advice. Ask the six cats that star in Bob Tarte’s book, Kitty Cornered. Let Frannie, Agnes, Moobie, Maynard, Tina, and Lucy bat around your question and chew on it a while. The cat who sinks its claws deepest into the subject will cough up an answer below.


Calling all cats! For live advice from Agnes— one cat to another — join us this Friday, June 15, 12:30-1PM on Twitter. Just Tweet your question #Ask6Cats @BobTarte (Agnes is borrowing Bob’s computer for this live Q&A session).

For even more wisdom from these six cats, you can check out the book Kitty Cornered, available at IndieBound independent bookstores, Powell’sBarnes & Noble, and Amazon.


Q: I’ve got three litter boxes in the house. I’m confused which one I’m supposed to use. – Inspector Kibble, Houston, TX

Lucy: Anytime there’s a litter box in the room where your people happen to be, use that one.


Q: Call it kitty karma. I was quite the hellion in my youth, and my people haven’t forgotten. So they’re ruling out getting me a cat friend. Lots of talk about not wanting to replace all of the wallpaper again. What would change their minds? – Lonely Tabby, Fairfax, VA

Maynard: I can answer this one in my sleep. Your people need to adopt an older cat like me. Our rambunctious days are behind us. Instead of climbing the curtains I prefer to sink into the Land of Nod with my chin on someone’s knee.


Q: Why does that person keep sitting on my computer chair? How do I chase her off so I can resume my nap? – Muffin, Perrysburg, OH

Agnes: You don’t have much cat sense, do you? Jump up onto her lap and rub against her when she tries to type. Hop down and glare at her with the high beams. Then jump up and do the rubbing thing again. Soon you’ll have her balanced on the last two inches of the seat while you get the rest of the chair.


Q: There’s a delicious potted plant in our living room, but whenever I nibble on it, the people shake a can full of marbles. I feel like Pavlov with his dog. I nibble, they rattle. It’s impossible to eat under these conditions. What should I do? – Mr. Wigglesworth, Petaluma, CA

Frannie: Run! Hide under the bed! Eek!


Q: Every night I gobble up my canned cat food treat hoping to get a second helping. No deal. How can I make them understand that one teaspoonful isn’t enough? – Snoogles, Rochester, MN

Agnes: Gobble it up? Are you out of your mind? Act desperate until they serve your treat. Sniff the dish and walk away. Don’t touch the food until hours later when the disappearance can be blamed on the dog or the baby. Soon they’ll be giving you all of the smoked salmon and Beluga caviar you can eat.



31 Comments On This Post:

May 31, 2012
1:19 pm
Iggy says...

How do I displace Zeus and Moochy who hog my person’s lap?

May 31, 2012
4:18 pm
PJ, the One-Eyed Jack, and Tinkerbell says...

Good advice, friends. Although Tinkerbell prefers to just skip the litterbox altogether. Frannie – don’t be afraid, the people love you so much! Bob just wants to hug you and kiss you. We know because our human showed us your book.

May 31, 2012
4:47 pm
Carolyn says...

Some very helpful answers here! Makes me think my guys have me pretty well trained! But I know there’s something I missed…I’ll be back

May 31, 2012
5:53 pm
Rowan-- "Big Red" says...

Interesting tips, and here’s another question for you girls, (and boy). My human spent what seemed like hours today putting water on the floor, moving it around with something that looked kind of like my hair brush, and then she soaked up all the water with a sponge and towel. What a strange activity! I couldn’t get anywhere near my litter box, which normally sits in that spot, and I was really getting anxious. Why would a human spend time doing such a strange thing? What can I do to ensure this NEVER happens again?

May 31, 2012
6:11 pm
Chloe Jo says...

Dear Cats, why does my people always want to sleep at night, when I want to play?

May 31, 2012
6:16 pm
Monique says...

I love this! It gives me some insight into how cats view the world!

May 31, 2012
6:32 pm
Miranda Stone says...

This is great! Love hearing more from the spectacular cats featured in “Kitty Cornered!”

May 31, 2012
6:54 pm
LynN Kasuba says...

Im having fun reading this and trying to think up
Questions There is so much that I want to know.
Where to start… Well, why do my people mope around
All the time, they act more like cats than we do!?

May 31, 2012
7:17 pm
Heidi says...

Hahaha…love it!
I think Agnes has been in touch with my cat Janie and passed along a few pointers.

May 31, 2012
7:28 pm
Alisa says...

I love this. I read all your kitty advise and I will be passing it onto Mr. Wu our kitty.

May 31, 2012
7:34 pm
Kelly Meister says...

What a great idea this is! I would love to see Bob and his cats do this Q-&-A on a regular basis!

May 31, 2012
8:31 pm
Squiggy from Canfield, Ohio says...

How do I convince my human to do away with the dogs? Can’t she see that felines are far more superior and sophisticated than said canines? Help!!!

May 31, 2012
8:33 pm
Squiggy from Canfield, Ohio says...

Why does my human not appreciate my attempts at gardening? I’m only trying to help!

May 31, 2012
9:49 pm
Ariel says...

Don’t see how to post a question, so sent one to #Ask6Cats @BobTarte even though it’s not Friday.

May 31, 2012
9:50 pm
Marcy Singer says...

Jacob says, “My person is very skilled at sitting on the edge of the chair. My other person makes strange noises when holding that book Kitty Cornered, and then she looks at me and smiles. “

May 31, 2012
10:10 pm
valerie says...

From Mr. Grace;When arranging dead moles on the patio for human enjoyment, is it okay to place them in an Esther Williams synchronized swimming homage, or is this too flashy?

They are simple ‘stewing moles’ but I have always been taught that presentation is important.
Thank you for your time.

p.s. would like an autographed 8×10 of Maynard.

May 31, 2012
11:12 pm
Vanessa Birman says...

Very cute! Thanks for the great advice and the humor. 🙂

June 1, 2012
6:16 am
Ken Anderson says...

Felina asks, “How can i keep from getting hit on by tomcats when I go outside?

June 1, 2012
8:45 am
Rhoni A. Petra Gagan says...

Me. 2

June 1, 2012
12:50 pm
Jean Brady says...

I finished reading “Enslaved by Ducks”. I enjoyed the story very much, but it made me tired just thinking about how much you have to do with all your animals. Just keep on doing and loving…you and Linda are awesome.
Now I have started reading “Kitty Cornered” through, my online book club. I love cats and this one is a sure winner! Thanks for sharing.
“Fowl Weather” is next on my list.

June 1, 2012
1:16 pm
Kelly Meister says...

Hi Bob,

Kelly’s 4 cats have taken over her computer to ask you this urgent question: she keeps catching and releasing mice but never lets us have any! What can we do to get our fair share of the mice???

June 1, 2012
1:19 pm
Danny Broyhill says...

My fellow felines: I am the owner of two humans, male and female. They plan on taking a trip up north for a few days next weekend. I’m wondering since they can’t take me with them and it is supposed to be a great weekend weather wise, would you stay inside or outside for those 2 days?

June 1, 2012
1:53 pm
Rhoni A. Petra Gagan says...

My mistress is hard to wake up at 5.00am when I want my breakfast.
My gentle nudge with my paw pad just doesn’t do it. Should I get out the Big guns and use my claws?

June 1, 2012
3:39 pm
Frannie says...

Two cats said they posted questions to me, but I’m not seeing them. Agnes, if that’s you deleting them, STOP!

June 1, 2012
5:33 pm
Bonnie says...

Re: computer chair used by persons. Just keep putting your paws on the keyboard, especially using the Crtl and Alt keys in combination with others. This makes the computer do all sorts of interesting things. Just be aware the person may make some peculiar noises and possibly cry before throwing his or her hands up in the air and leaving you the chair. Crazy Fred, the cat who drools, advises drooling on the keyboard as another sure-fire way to stop computer use. Something about shorting out the keyboard.

June 2, 2012
2:02 am
Nikolas says...

How do I get my person to change our water more often? I hate drinking out of the dogs’ bowl.

June 8, 2012
5:00 am
How One Introverted Author Successfully Markets His Work | Jane Friedman says...

[…] terrific idea of having the six cats from my book write a monthly advice column for other cats. So “Ask Six Cats” will be a regular feature on the Algonquin Books […]

June 14, 2012
3:21 pm
Patricia Finney says...

Laughed a lot at these – I too am Under the Paw. My cat Maisie says “How can I kill the stupid dog downstairs who wants to play chasey games? The dumb humans seem to like her for some reason.”

June 24, 2012
12:17 pm
Cheryl says...

Hi Bob,
Cheryl’s cat wants to know why he lets the puppy drag him around by his head. And he likes it!

January 23, 2015
6:12 am
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March 2, 2015
4:53 am
Rhys says...

Good replies in return of this difficulty with genuine arguments and telling everything about that.

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